Raise your hand if you've caught your child lying about or sneaking screen time
You're not alone, but what do you do?
Your impulse might be to ban screens, and you can try that, but unless we address the *underlying skill* that needs help, the problem will likely keep happening.
So, difficult as it may be, try to focus on the SKILL that needs help, and address the skill.
If a child is lying about what they're doing on screens, or sneaking screens, they may be struggling with the skill of impulse control, or patience, or delayed gratification, for example.
There are MANY ways to address these skills: having clearly communicated tech or screen times may help. If your child is used to using a screen to distract them from impatience or boredom, then having more routine screen time may also help with that as well, since they'll have to wait through those periods of boredom when screens aren't available.
If they are tempted by off-limit apps, we may choose to sit with them to monitor their device use, have them use devices in a shared space like the living room, or block/lock off-limit apps or games using device controls.
It may seem as though making certain things off limits actually removes the responsibility from kids to manage those temptations, and in a way it does. But it also allows two things to happen:
1. We can use this as an opportunity to discuss how to manage a device in a way that works for them. This won't end when they turn 18; I turn off notifications from most apps, I limit what apps I see at certain times, and those strategies help me with my own relationship to technology. Kids need help figuring out what works for them.
2. If a child or teen is struggling to handle the responsibility and is sneaking off-limit apps or content, then that is a sign they are NOT ready for that level of responsibility, and it's our job to step in and help them.
And of course, this isn't a static solution. When we implement this change, we can talk to our kids about what we want to see from them in order to demonstrate they have improved at the skill that needed attention. Try asking your kid (of any age!) what THEY think they should have to do in order to earn the privilege back and show they've gained skills.
Plus, when they do gain skills, we can celebrate! This shows our kids that we're not punishing them randomly, but working WITH them to prepare them for their future, both online and in the real world.
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