One of the most powerful things we do when kids are babies is also something we need to KEEP doing as they grow…scripting out loud.
There are so many parts of our lives that are invisible to others, particularly things that involve our own thought processes. This is true for organizing a household, executive functioning, and also regulating our emotions and our use of things like technology.
So if we’re tired of harping on our kids to do something besides screens or to stop using screens to fill moments of boredom or discomfort, we have to model how WE do that as well.
To be honest, I think many adults may not even realize how often they do this kind of analysis, and we also are not always aware of why we may be turning to something like technology. By scripting it out loud, we aren’t only modeling it for our kids, we’re also practicing being more mindful for our own benefit.
One day I was feeling sad and I wondered if a distraction might help. So, I booted up a video game and I made sure to explicitly name why I was doing so: “I’m feeling sad, I can’t snap out of it. I know this will distract me, so I’m going to see if that helps.”
After twenty minutes or so, I said “I feel better right now, but as soon as I stop and think about my feelings, I can tell I still feel sad. I hoped that the distraction might be enough, but I think it really was a distraction, it wasn’t a solution. I’m going to save the game and go for a walk outside. It doesn’t sound fun but I think moving my body might help my mood.”
As adults, we feel an obligation to have all the answers for our kids. But in my opinion the most powerful thing we can show our kids is that there often is no one right answer, and it’s ok to experiment and figure out what works best for us. Of course, modeling has to be combined with boundaries and enforcement we already provide as caregivers, but it’s a really important piece of the puzzle, and shows kids they’re not alone in navigating these tricky parts of life.
