Is your kid ready for a phone?

This way of thinking about it will be a game changer

How do I know if my child is ready for a phone?

Stick with me, but to answer this question, stop thinking about phones and start thinking about bikes

When we're worried our child isn't prepared for something, we focus on the fears, the worst case scenario, the "scary" things that could happen.

But to help reframe our thinking, we need to focus on the SKILLS our kids need, which is why I like to think about bikes

If our child asked to ride a bike, we wouldn't say "no, because you could be hit by a car". Instead, we would start teaching them, one step at a time, until they could bike independently.

This process of identifying the skill that needs help and improving it over time is a foundational educational idea (if you really want to nerd out, google "scaffolding in education", "spiral teaching" or "zone of proximal development").

Just as we would ensure our child can steer and brake before we'd allow them to bike alone, if our child wants a phone, instead of focusing on the fears, identify the skills that are needed.

These might include:

Balancing responsibilities with leisure

Coming to an adult if something is unsafe

Knowing what is safe to discuss or post online

Having access to a device but not using it at inappropriate times

And we can even break those down to more fundamental skills, such as delayed gratification, tolerating impatience, etc.

When we know the skills that need addressing, then we can find ways to embed those skills into their lives. For example, maybe they begin with a phone that is ONLY a phone to practice the skill of communicating with us and others.

Then we could add basic browser access, or email.

As we add more access, check in with kids to see what they are noticing or feeling. They may see differences in how it impacts their lives that we may miss.

Just as we would ensure our child knows our address, the street names in the neighborhood, and how to get help before we'd let them bike alone, focusing on the skills they need to navigate the online world can empower us instead of reacting out of fear.