When our kids are struggling with an aspect of screen time, it can feel like they are the problem. But of course, that feels awful in the moment, and we know it isn’t true, but then we might worry that we are the problem. That also isn’t true and also feels yucky, so we turn to the only available variable- the screen.
Blaming the screen is convenient- it’s simple- but it doesn’t help us to navigate these issues tomorrow or the next day. Instead, we can get curious to discover the underlying root cause at play.
My upcoming book Power On has a whole section devoted to these underlying causes, which I call the “Screen Time ABC’s”: Access, Behavior, and Content.
Most issues we have relating to screen time end up boiling down to one of these three issues:
Access- time spent on a screen, how a screen is given or taken away, the consistency of screen time, and the transitions into/out of screen time.
Behavior- the behaviors that result from screens, including dysregulation, emotional outbursts, physical excitement, and more. These behaviors often are related to Access and Content, but sometimes can be their own underlying issue.
Content- the type of screen being used, the content on that screen, the way that content is structured or delivered, the differences between “academic” and “entertainment” content, and how all of those things can make it harder or easier to stop playing.
Above all else, remember that sometimes there are “non-negotiables” at play: screen time may be serving a function like subbing in for a caregiver, in which case it may impact the screen time ABC’s and change what we allow. If a screen is going to substitute for my attention while I listen to a work meeting, then the screen time will need to be largely independent, and thus I may not allow Content that requires a lot of parental intervention, such as a multiplayer video game or short-form video clips.
When we get curious about which of the ABC’s we’re dealing with, it can make it a lot easier to find solutions or approaches that work for ALL of us in a family. And, if we go into screen time knowing that the Screen Time ABC’s are important, we can proactively set up Access and Content in a way that will hopefully minimize disruptive behaviors.
