Recently, I posted this post about treating screens neutrally and every time I post about this topic, there is a trend in some of the feedback.
“If I spoke about screens like this, my kids would always choose screens.”
This assumption- that speaking neutrally about something means you cannot hold firm boundaries around it- is really tricky. And I think it also undermines a lot of us in our efforts to be authoritative caregivers.
We forget just how frequently we hold boundaries around things, while also treating them neutrally.
Don’t believe me? Think of something that is not a power struggle with your child. They enjoy it but you don’t find yourself worrying about it. Maybe this is playing with a certain friend or toy, reading, riding a scooter, even bath time or drawing.
Do you allow your child to do those things as much as they want with no limits? For some things the answer might be yes, but my guess is for some things, you do impose limits. I wouldn’t let my child read all day in bed without moving or eating or taking a break. I wouldn’t let them sit in the bathtub until they were shivering with cold. I wouldn’t let my child bike ride past dinner time.
We hold boundaries ALL the time while preserving neutrality. With screens, we can speak about them neutrally without demonizing them, but ALSO be the ones to decide whether or not they are available, how much, when, and what content is allowed.
If we’re worried that our kids would choose screens every time over other things, then the (unfortunate and difficult) thing to do is *not present screens as an option*. That can still be done with neutrality- “TV isn’t an option right now”- while showing our kids that saying no to something doesn’t mean it is inherently bad.
Share this post